Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.

Skimm for August 7th

Skimm’d over sushi, politics, and Stewart.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I’m going to go get a drink” — How Jon Stewart says ‘goodbye.’ Last night was “The Daily Show” host’s last night on air after 16 years. #JonVoyage

THE ELEPHANTS IN THE ROOM

THE STORY

The GOP had a big night out in Cleveland, OH. And Fox News moderators wasted no time welcoming the candidates to 2016.

WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW?

That Donald Trump likes to talk a lot. And everyone else would like some more attention. Trump is going for the White House — even if he doesn’t get the GOP nomination. And he clarified that he doesn’t like to insult all women. Just Rosie O’Donnell. Jeb had to talk about his last name. But he’d prefer if you call him ‘ Veto Corleone.’ Dr. Ben Carson reminded everyone that he exists, and that he’s separated Siamese twins. Scott Walker is proud to be normcore. Rand Paul and Chris Christie do not — repeat DO NOT — like each other. Everyone likes the Iran nuclear deal just about as much as they like Hillary Clinton (hint: they don’t, but Kimye does). John Kasich said he still doesn’t like the idea of gay marriage, but he’d still love his daughter if she were gay. Marco Rubio feels #blessed to be on stage with all these candidates, since the Dems can’t even find one. And Ted Cruz and Mike Huckabee were there too.

theSKIMM

2016′s officially coming up. In 16 months. Last night set the stage for the rest of the election cycle. Insert “SNL” writers saying ‘thank you.’

REPEAT AFTER ME...

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU KEEP GETTING KICKED OFF YOUR EMAIL ACCOUNT…

Something’s fishy here. Yesterday, US officials let slip that the Pentagon got hacked . And they’re pointing a finger at Russia. Late last month, a cyberattack hit the email system used by the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Aka the top officials from every branch of the US military. US officials say no classified intel was leaked. They also say the hack quickly collected massive amounts of data and sent it all over the Interwebs. Glad that’s all cleared up. Still no word on whether this was just some random Russian hack-a-thon, or whether it had President Putin’s blessing. But add this to another cyberattack earlier this summer blamed on China, and it looks like it might be time for two-step verification in DC.

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR FRIEND WHO KEEPS CALLING THINGS ‘BASIC’...

That’s over. And apparently so is cable TV. This week, earnings reports from top media dogs have been underwhelming. Think: Viacom, Disney, CBS. Which caused investors to say ‘sell.’ Yesterday, shares of media companies had their worst week since 2008. What’s to blame? Streaming. Think: your Netflix addiction . And your friend who brags about not owning a TV. Investors and media companies have seen this coming for a while, but the earnings reports - and yesterday’s selloff - mean the traditional TV struggle is real.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR ROOMMATE WANTS TO REDECORATE...

Let’s talk art. 25 years ago, the world’s biggest art heist went down at a museum in Boston. 13 pieces by artists you might have heard of – Rembrandt, Vermeer, Manet, Degas – were stolen to the tune of $500 million. And no one knows whodunnit. The FBI’s hoping that could change now, thanks to a surveillance video first released by the FBI yesterday. It was taken the night before the heist, and it shows a man entering the same back door used by the thieves. The FBI’s crossing its fingers that this will help crack an art mystery that makes “The Goldfinch” look JV.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN THE “FREE WILLY” SONG COMES UP ON SHUFFLE...

SeaWorld’s not feeling so inspired. Yesterday, SeaWorld let everyone know how it’s been doing. Hint: not well. Profits are down 84%. That might have to do with “Blackfish,” the documentary that came out two years ago. It claims that the poor treatment of whales at SeaWorld makes them violent, and has caused three human deaths. One long PR campaign and a fired CEO later, and SeaWorld can’t seem to shake it off.

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR FRIEND WHO STILL HAS A ‘TEAM JEN’ SHIRT…

Good news. Rachel found her lobster.

SKIMM READS

Skimm’ologist says: Roll the dice, for a book with lots of recipes

“Kitchens of the Great Midwest” by J. Ryan Stradal

Warning: this will make you hungry. Meet a woman with a one-of-a-kind palate who makes it as a famous chef. You won’t be able to put it down. And it will up your kitchen game.

SKIMM GIFT

If your newsfeed is filled with your friend’s honeymoon safari pictures, it’s time to get you some of your own. How does eight days in Africa sound? Enter here.

SKIMM SHARE

Nothing says ‘Friday’ like spreading theSkimm. Special shout-out to Laura Helm (Lakeland, FL) for a strong sharing game. She’s got a Skimm happy hour set coming her way. This is how you share.

SKIMM BIRTHDAYS

*indicates Skimm’bassador. Go shawty.

Dana Stern (Amagansett, NY); *Jane Preziosi (New York, NY); *Betsy Sparks (Boulder, CO); * Caitlin Harris (San Diego, CA); * Whitney Krystof (Chicago, IL); Andrea Roberts (New York, NY); *Jennifer Freeman (Memphis, TN); *Maria Moore (Akron, OH); Jeremy Goldberg (New York, NY); *Michelle Mueckler (Columbia, SC); Minqi Jiang (San Francisco , CA); *Shannon Roth (Portland, OR); *Hannah Ramsdell (Oxford, MS); Dan Sullivan (Los Angeles, CA); *Ali Wozniak (Philadelphia, PA); *Kathy Dejmek (Champaign, IL); *Heather Bruschwein (Norfolk, VA) ;*Ellie Shanahan (New York, NY); Lauren Rubinfeld (Los Angeles, CA); *Karla McEvoy (Arlington, VA); *Maria Moore (Akron, OH); *Abbey Maxbauer (St. Louis, MO); * Katie Harnetiaux (Seattle, WA); *Hannah Taylor (Lebanon, IN); *Megan Ann Harmon (San Francisco, CA); *Michelle Castagne (Washington, DC); *Morgan Kent Molden (Des Moines, IA); *Jessica Jones (Austin, TX); Kate Breed (Greenwich, CT); Pat Coleman (New York, NY); *Sharla Collins (Charlotte, NC); *Lauren Jacobs (Washington, DC); *Tiffany Chao (Queens, NY); *Patty Anton (Lansing, MI); *Caitlin Wyatt (Los Angeles, CA); Will Browne (New York, NY); Julianne Freed (Atlanta, GA); Eileen Long (Tempe, AZ); Seneca Jaffe (Philadelphia, PA); Ron Klain (Indianapolis, IN); Gina Day (Naples, FL); Holly Chapman (Libertyville, IL); Iris Maslow (Baltimore, MD); Jamie Davidson (Hoboken, NJ); Janette Yetter (Putnam Valley, NY); Maria Moore (Akron, OH); Mike Dougherty (Milwaukee, WI); Diane Ceballos (Bronx, NY); Julia Roytman (New York, NY); Kim Rodriguez (Scotch Plains, NJ); Trish Dianetti (Memphis, TN); Jerry Wilson (Congers, NY); Alison Hudson (Nashville, TN); Erin-Kaye Flor (Los Angeles, CA); Gennifer Greebel (New York, NY); Josh Weitzman (Chicago, IL); Kathleen Clements (Westlake Village, CA); Mary Julian Donahue (Baltimore, MD); Michele Grant (Northbrook, IL); Sara Ellis Pearce (Athens, GA); Ashley Kennedy (Seattle, WA); Megan Thomas (Atlanta, GA); Richard Schulman (New York, NY); Laura Funk (Raleigh, NC); Jori Marcus (Chicago, IL);Rebecca Tisher (Jackson MS); Stephen Cohen (Brooklyn, NY); Kahler Biedenharn(Houston, TX); Sarah Krueger (Grand Rapids, MI); Tracy Huang (Washington, DC); Jill Goldfarb (New York, NY)