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Skimm for September 16th

Skimm’d while organizing our bar cart

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“There has been a mix-up” – The spokesperson for Zimbabwe’s President Mugabe. Mr. Prez gave a speech yesterday. Apparently not realizing that it was the same speech he gave last month. Oops.

ROUND TWO

THE STORY

Areee youuu readddyyyyy? Tonight’s the second GOP debate.

WHEN AND WHERE?

CNN. 8pm ET. The candidates will be positioned in a flying V of popularity (hint: Trump is front and center).

WHO’S GOING?

Everyone not at the kids table. Bobby Jindal, Rick Santorum, Lindsey Graham, and George Pataki will be in the JV debate at 6pm. Notably not attending: Rick Perry. Because in case you missed it – and you probably did – he’s no longer running. Here’s who’s coming to the main event…

Sen. Rand Paul (KY)...as in the one who’s a libertarian. Drink every time he gets fired up and calls himself a “real conservative.”

Former Gov. Mike Huckabee (AR)...as in the former pastor who’s really down with G-O-D. Drink when he mentions his support for a Kentucky clerk who refused to issue same-sex marriage licenses.

Sen. Marco Rubio (FL)...as in the one with the hair. Who many think will end up with a VP name tag. Drink when he talks about immigration or his Cuban-American background.

Sen. Ted Cruz (TX)...as in the one who likes Tea Parties. Drink every time he mentions the words “defund” and “Planned Parenthood” in the same sentence.

Dr. Ben Carson...as in the one who separated conjoined twins. And the only one who’s pulling numbers like The Donald. Drink every time Carson mentions how his lack of political experience sets him apart.

Donald Trump...as in the quiet one. We kid. Drink whenever he says ‘huuuuugeeee.’ Or offends someone. Drink responsibly.

Former Gov. Jeb Bush (FL)...as in the one who’s just Jeb! He was supposed to be the runaway frontrunner by now, but then along came The Donald. So drink when he attacks his biggest competition: Trump.

Gov. Scott Walker (WI)...as in the one who’s gone head-to-head with unions in his state. Drink when he calls himself a “fighter.”

Carly Fiorina...as in the newbie. She was at the JV debate last time. Drink when she talks about her business background. Then drink again when someone reminds her of job cuts at HP.

Gov. John Kasich (OH)...as in the one who made everyone go ‘didn’t see that coming’ in the first debate. Drink when he says the word “moderate.”

Gov. Chris Christie (NJ)...as in the one who loves Rand Paul. On Opposite Day. Drink when he says he’ll “tell it like it is.”

theSKIMM

The first debate was about tough questions from moderators. But CNN said they want the candidates to “actually debate” tonight. Translation: gloves are off.

THE *: In case you’re wondering where the Dems are hiding, Party of Five will get its turn in the ring next month. Which will give everyone time to find out the names of the people standing next to Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders.

REPEAT AFTER ME...

WHAT PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT...

Michael Deng. Two years ago, the 19-year-old Baruch College freshman died during a fraternity hazing ritual. After a lengthy investigation, officials are bringing charges against the 37 fraternity brothers involved. Yesterday, five men were charged with things like criminal homicide and involuntary manslaughter. The others have pending charges. In 2013, Baruch’s Pi Delta Psi chapter allegedly blindfolded Deng and other pledges, made them wear backpacks full of sand, and had them run across a field while being shoved and hit by members. Deng sustained a serious head injury and was knocked unconscious. The members waited hours before bringing him to the hospital, where he eventually died. Now, some of the people involved could be going to prison for a long time.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR FRIEND SHOWS UP TO DINNER WITH A NEW HAIRCUT...

Lookin’ good. That’s what the auto industry said yesterday when Porsche unveiled its new luxury electric car concept. The “Mission E” will hit the road sometime in the next five years. It’s a sexy little four-seater that charges in less than 15 minutes. Aka faster than Elon Musk’s Tesla Model S. Shots, fired. Meanwhile, Amazon’s CEO Jeff Bezos is getting ready to take on Musk’s other company, SpaceX (which dreams of being the first to send tourists into orbit). Yesterday, Bezos announced that his private space company, Blue Origin, will start building and launching rockets at Cape Canaveral. Aka where SpaceX launches rockets from. Galactic shots, fired.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN THAT SONG COMES ON IN THE OFFICE AGAIN...

Becoming a pattern. Speaking of which, the EU migrant and refugee crisis is still a crisis (we Skimm’d it for you). Hundreds of thousands of migrants and refugees are fleeing places like the Mideast and Africa in search of better lives in the EU. Problem is, a lot of EU countries don’t have the resources to be good hosts. Which might be why Hungary’s been building a fence to keep people out. And yesterday, it detained dozens of migrants trying to enter from neighbor Serbia. You can guess how happy that made Serbia. Meanwhile, the EU’s proposed a plan that would redistribute migrants across its member countries. But it’s tough to get everyone to vote ‘yay’ on it. Next week, leaders are having an SOS meeting to talk options.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU SEE ANOTHER RANT ON FACEBOOK...

The button’s coming. And you’re gonna like to dislike it.

THING TO KNOW

Switchel: The new kombucha. A drink made with apple cider vinegar, maple syrup, ginger, and water. Some call it ‘nature’s Gatorade.’ Others prefer ‘hipster juice.’

SKIMM LIFE

Skimm HQ spends a lot of hours hunched over laptops. Keyword: hunched. Until we found this. It will actually make your posture better.

SKIMM BIRTHDAYS

*Indicates Skimm’bassador. Get out the party hats.

theSkimm’s Eugenia Finizio (New York, NY); Amy Poehler (New York, NY); *Isadora Sales (San Francisco, CA); *Tess Beeler (Atlanta, GA); *Erika Stern (Long Island, NY); *Luisa Rodriguez (Fairfax, VA); *Johanna Ernst (San Ramon, CA); *Kathleen Kuhar (St. Louis, MO); *Stephanie Brigandi (Glassboro, NJ); *Makayla White (Waynesville, NC); *Samantha Calvin (Phoenix, AZ); *Lisa Rennison (Fort Lauderdale, FL); *Molly Ade (Ann Arbor, MI); *Katelynn Rei (Providence, RI); *Dianna Lau (New York, NY); *Natalie Hachem (Boston, MA); *Halle Morgan (Cleveland, OH); *Marlo Mauer (Lincoln, NE); *Sarah Becvar (St. Louis, MO); Eaddy Kiernan (New York, NY); Colin Peterson (Minneapolis, MN); Susan Gruber (Swampscott, MA); Kurt Williams (New York, NY); Alex Salvatore (Corona Del Mar, CA); Gabriella Kessler (Paris, France); Andrea Pryor (Huntington, NY); Kathleen Quinn (Denver, CO); Rachel Kleinman (Philadelphia, PA); Leigh Avera (Nashville, TN); Jordan McCutcheon (Goseong, South Korea); Sonali Pilay (New York, NY); Natalie Hachem (Ashland, MA); Latravia White (McDonough, GA); Lauren Brois (Bedford, NY); Jinal Patel (Chicago, IL); Mary Evert (Lincoln, NE); Susan Weiss (Fort Lee, NJ); Paula Pile; Annie McCarty (Minneapolis, MN); Anthony Piscopio (Prospect, CO); Stephen Scibal (Philadelphia, PA); Keisha Fred Torres (New York, NY); Sara Harary (West Palm Beach, FL); Meghan Dwyer (San Francisco, CA); Jane Tyler (Foley, AL)