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Skimm for January 14th

Skimm’d over re-checking our Powerball numbers. Over. And over.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“The pills are odorless, tasteless and double-encapsulated” — The leader of a new clinical trial that’s trying to lead the way to fighting obesity. All you have to do is take poop pills. And say that with a straight face.

CAUGHT RIGHT-HANDED

THE STORY

Helloooooo 2016. Tonight’s the sixth GOP debate. Fox Business is hosting. The party starts at 9PM ET in South Carolina.

I DON’T WATCH. GO AWAY.

Pay attention because election season kicks off next month with the Iowa caucuses, and the New Hampshire primary one week later. So every candidate is going to put on his ‘this is really how I smile’ face tonight.

WHO’S IN?

Gov. John Kasich (OH)...as in the one who has all his eggs in New Hampshire’s basket. He didn’t know much about the Oregon standoff, but he does know that his chances in Iowa aren’t looking good. So the NH primary could be his last shot at the White House.

Gov. Chris Christie (NJ)...as in the (usually loud) candidate who hasn’t been able to generate any buzz on the campaign trail recently. Plus, his opponents are alleging that he’s flip-flopped on things like abortion and gun control.

Sen. Marco Rubio (FL)...as in the Gretchen Wieners who would very much like to be Regina George. Rubio’s a distant third in Iowa polls, which may be why he’s going ham on TV ads there. TBD on whether voters are watching.

Donald Trump...as in the elephant in the room during both President Obama’s State of the Union speech and the GOP’s response. He’s still #1 in national polls, and Iowa will be his first big test. But right now, he’s focused on Ted Cruz’s birth certificate . Because everyone loves a good birther debate.

Sen. Ted Cruz (TX)...as in the one who’s saying ‘I’m an American...eh.’ He’s the Donald’s biggest competition, so tonight could be a face off between the two front-runners.

Ben Carson...as in the one who might have peaked too soon. The soft-spoken outsider said he won’t be “so polite” this time around. You’ve been warned.

Former Gov. Jeb Bush (FL)...as in the one who keeps reminding everyone that he’s taller than Marco Rubio. His popularity has been touch and go, so his performance tonight could be a deciding factor for voters (especially Iowans).

WHO’S OUT?

Carly Fiorina and Sen. Rand Paul (KY) got demoted to the JV debate with former Gov. Mike Huckabee (AR) and former Sen. Rick Santorum (PA). Paul’s campaign said ‘thanks but no thanks.‘ If it’s not Varsity, he’s not interested. Insert sassy girl emoji.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DEMOCRATS?

They’re hiding. On the weekends. The last Democratic debate was on a Saturday, and the next one is this Sunday. Reminder: it’s a three-day weekend. Which has some people thinking the Dems would rather lay low and let the GOP steal the headlines for now.

theSKIMM

It’s officially a presidential election year. Meaning tonight could make or break any candidate’s campaign. Translation: it’s game time.

REPEAT AFTER ME...

WHAT PEOPLE ARE WATCHING....

Jakarta. Today, the Indonesian capital was hit with a series of gun and bomb attacks in the center of the city. At least seven people were reportedly killed, including some of the attackers. No one’s claimed responsibility, but some people are thinking ISIS may have been involved. That’s because the group reportedly warned of an attack in Indonesia recently. And Indonesian police said these attacks imitated last year’s terror acts in Paris, which ISIS claimed responsibility for. Indonesia has the world’s largest Muslim population, but it has a secular government. Which has made it a potential target for extremists. But this was the first major attack in Jakarta since 2009. It’s unclear how many attackers were involved, and police are on the hunt for suspects.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR CO-WORKER BRINGS GLUTEN FREE, SUGAR FREE COOKIES TO WORK...

Pass. That’s what US viewers have been saying to Al Jazeera America. Yesterday, the cable news channel said it’s turning off the cameras after less than three years on air. Al Jazeera – a Qatar-backed network — bought Al Gore’s Current TV for $500 million in 2013 to go on air in the US. The idea was to cover US news in a more serious, investigative way than the rest of cable TV. Turns out, no one wanted to watch that. It didn’t help that the channel had trouble convincing cable providers to carry it. Or that the newsroom had lots of infighting, execs quitting, and allegations of sexism and anti-Semitism . Cue Al Jazeera’s execs saying that their “business model is simply not sustainable” in the US market anymore. Bye Felicia.

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR UNEMPLOYED FRIEND WHO EATS OUT THREE TIMES A DAY...

Who’s bankrolling this? That’s what the US Treasury Department wants to know. For years, the luxury real estate market – especially in places like NYC and Miami – has been on an endorphin high, with wealthy buyers scooping up new high-rise apartments and condos. The problem? Many of these are anonymous foreign buyers, often acting through shell companies , who aren’t planning on actually going to live there. And the US gov. thinks many may be just hoping to stuff their illegally obtained cash under a multi-million penthouse mattress. Aka money laundering. The Treasury Department says it’s going to start requiring these big buyers to say who they are before they put down cash for real estate in NYC and Miami. Which could make these purchases a lot less attractive. Buzz, killed.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN THE HOT WATER IS OUT IN YOUR BUILDING...

Can’t complain. Yesterday, Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder activated the National Guard to help get clean water to Flint. That’s the city with over 100,000 people that’s been dealing with a months-long water crisis. In 2014, Flint left the Detroit water system to save some cash money. The city started taking water from the Flint River, saying the move would be temporary. But then people started noticing that their water looked and smelled weird. Problem. Then, children’s blood tests started showing higher levels of lead. Big problem, since lead can affect brain development and cause behavioral changes. The state gov’s been getting a lot of flack for how slow its response has been. Now, the city’s back on the Detroit water system, and it looks like everybody’s springing to action. Good idea.

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR FRIEND WHO CALLS HER BF HER ‘LOBSTER’…

You’ll wanna read this.

THING TO KNOW

Spending prioritization: Your friend who has a checklist for everything is onto something. It’s about planning for the big dollar things you’ll be doing in the short term (redecorating, getting a new ride), three to five years down the road (student loans ughhhh), and beyond (retiring like a boss). Once you embrace your inner planner, figure out what you’re spending every month, and whether you should nix that gym membership to pay off your loans faster. This is also known as an example of a valid reason to quit the gym.

SKIMM LIFE

Get excited for the GOP debate tonight by putting words in the candidates’ mouths. We made you a Skimm Libs. Print and fill yours out and share on social with #SkimmLife and #SkimmtheVote. Get into it.

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